At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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