i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
