areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
