I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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