well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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