You smell like stripper and shame
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
