I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize
