Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
its not stalking. its research.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Couch. On fire.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
