he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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