They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
