It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
