let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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