What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
