there's paper in my vomit.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
