He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
