god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
