I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
