You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
