I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I checked into jail on foursquare
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
