she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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