Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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