I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
