Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
