Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
