I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
