alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
