All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
