I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
