i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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