I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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