I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Semen is not good for contacts.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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