i permit you to call me
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
