If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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