so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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