Fine. I'll sleep in my office
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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