My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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