I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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