She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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