i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
