Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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