ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
