My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
