her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
