you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
