I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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