I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
