oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
