I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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