??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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