genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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