my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
